Holy Hormones Batman!

You may be middle age and peri-menopausal/menopausal if:

When you see your best friend you say, "Hey Stranger" or "Hi Dear" because you can't remember what the heck her name is.

You wear layers of clothes so you won't embarrass yourself when you start stripping in a hot flash.

You say things like, "Put the trash down the hamper" and "Bring the dog in from the oven."

You buy pregnancy tests by the gross.

You've plucked a long black hair from your chin or nose recently.

Your girlfriends and you debate the value of HRT versus tofu.

You're not sure what your hair color is this week.

You wear Birkenstocks, not because they're fashionable but because they're good for falling arches.

You're losing your nouns and find yourself saying things like, "Honey could you get that thing in the shed for me? You know, the thing that's red with wheels."

You know what progressive lenses are.

Your husband never knows if he's going to wake up to Dr. Jekyll or Mrs. Hyde.

You're so emotional that you sob everytime a long-distance commercial comes on.

You subscribe to the Minnie Pauz newsletter.

You clip coupons for Poise pads.

Your kids have asked you, "Mom, are you getting shorter?"

You get in the car and then can't remember where you're going.

You not only know what "the big squeeze" is, you've had it done to you.

You've taken to wearing pantsuits.

You keep your underclothes in the freezer.

Your favorite CD is Menopause the Musical.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, don't worry, you're no where near menopause. Just go about your life blissfully, it'll come soon enough.